Wanita Yang Jarang Ngeseks Lebih Rentan Alami Kekerasan Seksual

March 27, 2008 at 10:42 am (Sex Habbit)

SEJUMLAH fakta menarik tentang kehidupan seksual para wanita di Australia terungkap lewat hasil sebuah penelitian baru-baru ini.

Survei menunjukkan bahwa wanita di Negeri Kanguru itu mengalami penurunan frekuensi berhubungan intim, selain juga disibukkan dengan pekerjaan rumah tangga. Yang lebih parah lagi, mereka sering terancam menjadi sasaran aksi kekerasan seksual.

Fakta-fakta tersebut merupakan hasil jajak pendapat yang dilakukan majalah The Australian Womens Weekly dengan melibatkan 15 ribu wanita. Survei yang diklaim merupakan terbesar ini mencoba memotret kehidupan para wanita di Australia pada akhir dekade tahun 2000-an.

¨Pembaca kami menyatakan bagaimana mereka hidup, bagaimana mereka mencintai, apa yang mereka pikirkan serta apa yang mereka inginkan,¨ ungkap pimpinan redaksi Deborah Thomas seperti dikutip Sidney Morning Herald, Rabu (26/3).

Menurut hasil survei, aktivitas seksual wanita Australia mengalami penurunan signifkan dibandingkan 30 tahun lalu. Hanya 47 persen wanita yang mengatakan mereka masih melakukan hubungan intim minimal seminggu sekali. Padahal pada awal 1980an, prosentasenya mencapai 57 persen.

Walaupun begitu, para wanita sekarang mungkin lebih jujur dalam hal menikmati hubungan seksual. Ada 32 persen wanita dalam survei yang mengatakan mereka berpura-pura saat orgasme. Angka ini menurun dari 37 persen pada 1980.

Meskipun tidak ada angka yang mendukung asumsi lain pada 1980 – bahwa wanita mungkin lebih rajin melakukan hubungan intim di usia lanjut, riset ini menunjukkan bahwa satu dari empat wanita berusia 65 tahun mengaku melakukan seks sedikitnya sekali dalam seminggu.

Menyoal ketidaksetiaan, sebanyak 15 persen wanita yang memiliki pasangan mengaku bersalah karena melakukan selingkuh, dan enam persen mengaku melakukannya lebih dari sekali. Tetapi ketika ditanya soal kemungkinan suami atau pacar mereka berselingkuh, satu dari empat wanita dlam survei menduga atau pun tahu bahwa mereka telah dicurangi pasangan mereka.

Pernikahan adalah sesuatu yang sakral dan membuat pasangan rela bersama hingga mati memisahkan mereka. Tetapi dari survei terungkap ada 27 persen wanita yang menikah mengaku bahwa jika hidup bisa diulang, mereka tidak akan mau menikahi orang yang sama.

Hal ini pula yang mungkin dapat menjelaskan fakta bahwa 49 persen para wanita yang disurvei ini masih melakukan sebagian besar pekerjaan rumah tangga. Hanya 46 persen yang mengatakan bahwa pekerjaaan seperti memasak, membersihkan rumah dan berbelanja dibagi rata dengan suami. Sedangkan lima persen wanita mengatakan tidak pernah melakukan pekerjaan rumah sama sekali.

Hal yang memprihatinkan, kasus kekerasan dalam rumah tangga cenderung meningkat. Ditanya mengenai apakah mereka pernah dipaksa oleh suami atau pacar, 22 persen wanita mengaku pernah mengalaminya atau meningkat 9 persen baik ketimbang survei 1980. Total jumlah wanita yang mengaku pernah diperkosa juga naik angkanya dari 8 persen pada 1980-an menjadi 13 persen .

Kekerasan domestik rupanya masih menjadi persolan, dengan 18 persen mengaku pernah dilecehkan oleh pasanga , sedangkan 35 persen mengatakan mengalami kekerasan emosional saat menjalani hubungan.

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75 Juta Pria Asia Senang Seks Komersial

March 27, 2008 at 10:41 am (Sex Habbit)

PERKEMBANGAN penyakit AIDS dan infeksi HIV di Asia tempaknya makin memprihatinkan dan mengancam pertumbuhan ekonomi di wilayah ini.

Kekhawatiran ini tidak terlepas dari fakta di lapangan bahwa saat ini ada lebih dari 10 juta wanita di Asia bekerja sebagai penjaja seks dan sedikitnya 75 juta pria menjadi pelanggan setianya.

Data yang cukup mencengangkan ini dirilis oleh Persatuan Bangsa Bangsa (PBB) lewat sebuah laporannya Rabu (26/3) kemarin. PBB mengatakan pemerintah negara-negara di Asia telah gagal mengendalikan epidemik ini dan seharusnya melakukan upaya lebih serius dalam membatasi derasnya gelombang kecenderungan pria yang memuaskan nafsunya lewat jasa prostitusi.

Tidak seperti di Afrika, ungkap laporan itu, penyebaran epidemik di Asia ini belum merata dan mungkin dapat dikontrol jika upaya pencegahan dipusatkan pada infeksi yang berkaitan dengan prostitusi, penggunaan obat-obat terlarang dan homoseksualitas.

¨Program-program untuk meningkatkan penggunaan kondom di antara pekerja seks akan lebih berarti ketimbang upaya pencegahan lainnya dalam mengendalikan infeksi HIV di Asia,¨ ungkap laporan yang dikeluarkan Komisi AIDS di Asia.

¨Oleh karena kebanyakan pria pelanggan prostitusi adalah mereka yang telah menikah atau pun belum, terdapat angka signifikan wanita yang hanya berhubungan intim dengan suaminya menjadi tertular HIV. Tujuan efektif dari pencegahan infeksi HIV pada pasangan para pria ini belum dikembangkan di Asia, padahal jelas-jelas sangat penting,¨ tambah laporan tersebut.

Laporan itu juga menyatakan para politisi benar-benar gagal untuk mengambil peran dalam mengendalikan diskriminasi dan hal-hal tabu yang berkaitan dengan HIV yang bertentangan dengan diskusi publik soal seks dan seksualitas.

Sekretaris Jendral PBB, Ban Ki-moon, yang merilis laporan itu di new York, mengaku merasa malu atas stigma-stigma yang masih merongrong HIV di Asia. Ia juga prihatin dengan pengaruhnya terhadap ekonomi di wilayah itu. Di banyak negara Asia, prostitusi dan homoseksualitas adalah salah satu hal yang dilegalkan.

¨AIDS telah menjadi penyebab utama terbesar akan hilangnya hari-hari kerja dan kematian yang berkaitan dengan penyakit ini. Kami melihat awal dari lingkaran setan, yang menyebabkan ancaman terhadap pertumbuhan ekonomi dan kebangkitan sosial serta menyebabkan lebih banyak lagi infeksi,¨ ujarnya.

Laporan itu juga mengatakan bahwa prostitusi adalah penyebab utama dari kasus infeksi baru dan terdapat sekitar 4,9 juta orang yang mengidap HIV di Asia tahun lalu.

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Perempuan Mapan Makin Malas Bercinta

March 23, 2008 at 11:09 am (Sexual Drive, Sexual Intercourse)

Malam hari, melihat lelaki anda tergolek di sofa, tidakkah anda bergairah untuk bercinta dengannya? Ternyata, sebuah survei yang belum lama ini diadakan di Inggris oleh mydeco.com menunjukkan bahwa dua perlima responden–semua responden perempuan–memilih untuk membaca buku, dan seperlima lainnya menonton tayangan televisi, sementara cuma delapan persennya memilih bermesraan dengan pasangan sebelum tidur.Menurut Dr Linda Papadopulus, salah satu ahli psikologi tingkah laku di Inggris, masalah itu timbul karena orang-orang tak mencipta suasana yang membangun untuk bangkitnya hasrat seks. Yang mereka butuhkan, kamar tidur yang seksi, aturan main yang baru mengenai berhubungan intim malam hari, dan sebuah perubahan pada “naluri kebinatangan”. “Kami mendapati orang-orang begitu sibuk dengan kerja dan anak-anak, sehingga mereka lelah dan hidup mereka dipenuhi sederet hal yang harus mereka kerjakan. Kami tidak lagi mendapati seks menjadi penting,” katanya.

Padahal, menurut Papadopulus lagi, hubungan intim tidak terjadi dengan sendirinya, harus dicipta. “Satu masalah, tak banyak orang mengusahakan sesuatu untuk ruang tidur mereka,” sambungnya. “Acara-acara tentang desain interior di televisi cenderung menggampangkannya ketimbang membahas dekornya,” imbuhnya.

Dalam rangka memberi masukan untuk mengatasi masalah tersebut, kata Papadopulus lagi, “Kami bekerja dengan seorang ahli matematika dan seorang arsitek dan menyimak segala hal yang berhubungan dengan seks, contohnya soal bagaimana segala sesuatu terasa, tercium, dan dilihat di kamar tidur anda.” Lanjutnya, “Warna-warna yang berhubungan dengan gairah menjadi pilihan tepat, sebut saja warna merah yang seksi. Sprei sutra, tempat tidur air, dan kamisol berenda juga mencipta atmosfer sensual yang ideal.”

Masih menurutnya, “Mengubah ruang tidur anda untuk seks membawa sebuah pesan yang jelas kepada pasangan anda bahwa anda peduli tentang seks dan sedang berada dalam mood untuk seks.” Ujung-ujungnya, kehidupan seks anda akan membaik.

Tips dari Papadopulus:
1) Bangkitkan di kamar tidur anda suasana untuk bercinta. Anda tak perlu membuat perubahan-perubahan besar–cukup sesuatu yang sederhana, sesederhana meredupkan cahaya lampu di dalamnya.

2) Perlihatkan minat terhadap pasangan anda. Tanyakan bagaimana segalanya berjalan untuknya dan tanyakan pula tentang hasrat dan kekhawatirannya. Lakukanlah pada petang hari dan anda mungkin akan mendapatkan keintiman emosional yang menuntun anda ke keintiman fisik.

3) Jagalah ruang tidur anda hanya untuk berhubungan intim dan tidur. Jadi, singkirkan apapun yang menjauhkan anda dari hubungan seks–pekerjaan, komputer, dan pesawat televisi.

4) Beristirahatlah sejenak dan pusatkan perhatian anda ke diri sendiri dengan mandi berendam atau melakukan sesuatu yang anda nikmati. Ini kerap menjadikan orang bergairah, karena meningkatkan rasa menghargai diri sendiri, membantu anda berhubungan dengan lelaki anda, dan merasa bernafsu.

5) Beri ruang bagi pasangan anda di kamar tidur. Buatlah desain interior yang lebih netral, jangan kelewat feminin, untuk ruang tidur. Hindari, misalnya, motif bunga bertebaran di mana-mana.

6) Jangan membuatnya tidak nyaman dengan dekor yang ada di ruang tidur anda. Tak seorangpun ingin berhubungan seks seolah di bawah pengawasan mertua atau orangtua, karena foto-foto mereka anda pajang di kamar tidur anda.

7) Hindari menyantap hidangan hingga kenyang sebelum naik ke tempat tidur. Itu tak akan membuat anda mendapatkan mood yang tepat. Selain itu, kalau berangkat tidur sangat larut, anda mungkin akan menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu untuk berpikir tentang berapa lama anda akan kehilangan jam tidur anda, ketimbang menikmati hubungan intim dengan pasangan anda.

8) Pergilah makan malam berdua, dengarkan lagu kenangan anda berdua, atau melihat-lihat foto-foto lama anda berdua, sebelum menuju ruang tidur untuk bercinta

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Video Berbagai Macam Posisi Dalam Berhubungan Seks

March 19, 2008 at 6:38 pm (Sexual Intercourse)

Bermacam-macam posisi untuk berhubungan seksual dengan pasangan agar tidak membosankan. Selamat mencoba (klik untuk melihat videonya )

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Sex Between Myth And Fact

March 17, 2008 at 8:07 am (Sexual Intercourse)

If there were a roll call for the founding fathers of sex myths for men, a couple of no-brainers would surely make the list: porn legend John Holmes, whose yule-log-size penis still casts a shadow over anxiety-prone males. Ditto NBA-great Wilt Chamberlain, whose claim of having slept with 20,000 women makes Don Juan look monastic.

And then there’s purveyor-of-sex-myths Walt Disney.

“I think Walt Disney creates a lot of mythology,” says Seth Prosterman, PhD, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in San Francisco. “In Disney movies, people fall in love and walk into the sunset, and you get this myth that intimacy is a given once you fall in love, and sexuality is natural and follows that.”

In reality, says Prosterman, “Sex is something that we learn throughout a lifetime.”

If sexuality is a continuing education, a lot of us are scrambling to make up course credits. And in a realm that’s clouded by ego, myth and advertising that preys on anxieties, getting the facts about sex can be difficult. What is the average size of the male penis? How long do most men last during intercourse? Can men have multiple orgasms? Does the G-spot exist, and if so, how do I find it?

Penis Size: The Hard Facts

“Drastically enlarge the penis length and width to sizes previously thought impossible!” reads a website for the Penis Enlargement Patch. (One envisions a lab-coated mad scientist pouring chemicals on his own penis, then shouting ”Eureka!” and phoning the Guinness Book.) Almost anyone with an email account has been deluged by spam for such miracle-growth patches and pills, and the endurance of sex myths may explain the pervasiveness of such ads.

“We equate masculinity and power with penis size,” says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. “Of course, there’s really no relationship.” Still, Sharlip says, “all” of his patients want to increase their penis size.

The idea that bigger is better is “not just total mythology,” says Seth Prosterman, who has counseled couples since 1984 and notes that some of the women he’s worked with do prefer a bigger penis — aesthetically or “fit-wise.” But, he adds, “For the vast majority of partners, penis size doesn’t matter.”

So what, exactly, constitutes a big penis? Let’s whip out some data:

* The average penis size is between five and six inches. That’s for an erect penis.
* The flaccid male organ averages around three and a half inches.

Sex Fact: We Are Not Our Penises

If you had an anxiety hiccup before you read the “erect” qualifier, consider it a metaphor for the danger of jumping to conclusions about penis size — or about the primacy of the penis altogether.

“The idea that the penis is the most important part of your body underlies so many of men’s sexual problems,” says Cory Silverberg, a sexual health educator and founding member of Come As You Are, an education-based sex store in Toronto. “One of the biggest sex myths for men is the notion that we are our penises, and that’s all that counts in terms of sex.”

“It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.

OK, OK, Size Isn’t Important. But How Can I Increase My Penis Size?

Despite the facts, the din of penis-enlargement marketing only seems to grow louder. (“Realize total and absolute power and domination in bed with your partner, with your new-found penis size and sexual performance” screams the ad for the Penis Enlargement Patch.) Men keep chasing after the mythical, mammoth-sized member.

Silverberg says male clients at his store, and in his counseling work, constantly ask him about penis pumps, whose powers of elongation, he says, are a “myth,” although he adds that some men who’ve used them report satisfaction, a phenomenon he explains this way: “I think spending more time paying attention to our genitals will probably increase our sexual health.”
Just the Facts on the G-Spot

If sex myths have such power over men’s thinking about their own anatomy, they have even more sway when it comes to female partners’ bodies — especially the much-debated G-spot.

Named after a German doctor, Ernst Gräfenberg, who first wrote about an erogenous zone in the anterior vaginal wall, the G-spot was popularized by a 1982 book called … The G-spot. This region behind the pubic bone is often credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation.

At the same time, the G-spot is commonly derided as perpetuating the myth ensconced by Sigmund Freud — namely, that the clitoral orgasm is a “lesser” form of climax than the vaginal orgasm, which requires penile penetration. As Ian Kerner summarizes, “In Freud’s view, there were no two ways about it: If a woman couldn’t be satisfied by penetrative sex, something must be wrong with her.”

The G-spot’s existence is still debated, and whether it’s fact or fiction depends on whom you ask.

“The G-spot exists,” says Seth Prosterman. “It’s a source of powerful orgasm for a percentage of women.”

“I don’t think the G-spot exists,” says Ira Sharlip. “As urologists, we operate in that area [where the G-spot should be] and there just isn’t anything there — there’s no anatomical structure that’s there.”

Prosterman and others point out the importance of thinking of the G-spot in context — that it may be an extension of the clitoral anatomy, which extends back into the vaginal canal. Kerner writes that the G-spot may be “nothing more than the roots of the clitoris crisscrossing the urethral sponge.”

Helen O’Connell, MD, head of the neurourology and continence unit at the Royal Melbourne Hospital Department of Urology in Australia, says, “The G-spot has a lot in common with Freud’s idea of vaginal orgasms. It is a sexual concept, this time anatomical, that results in confusion and has resulted in the misconception that female sexuality is extremely complex.”

In the end, whether this debated locus of pleasure is fact or fiction may not matter that much. O’Connell, who is also co-author of a 2005 Journal of Urology study on the anatomy of the clitoris, says that focusing on the G-spot to the exclusion of the rest of a woman’s body is “a bit like stimulating a guy’s testicles without touching the penis and expecting an orgasm to occur just because love is present.” She says focusing on the inside of the vagina to the exclusion of the clitoris is “unlikely to bring about orgasm. It is best to think of the clitoris, urethra, and vagina as one unit because they are intimately related.”

How Long, Part 2: How Premature Is Premature Ejaculation?

The possibilities for exploring a woman’s erogenous zones may be tremendously exciting — which leads to another source of sex myth and male anxiety: How long can I last? And how long should I be able to last?

Premature ejaculation is “the most common form of sexual dysfunction in younger men” according to Ira Sharlip, and its prevalence is around 20% to 30% in men of all ages.

The medical method of determining premature ejaculation is called “intravaginal ejaculatory latency time” (IELT), a stopwatch-timed duration measured from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation occurs. However, Sharlip adds, this quantitative measure doesn’t tell the whole story: “There are men who ejaculate within a minute but say that they don’t have premature ejaculation. And then on other end of spectrum, there are patients who are able to last for 20 minutes, and they say they do have premature ejaculation.”

In other words, the definition of “premature” may be largely in the eye (or mind) of the beholder, and depends on a man’s sexual satisfaction and his perception of his ability to control when ejaculation occurs.

If you just can’t wait for the numbers, though, a 2005 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found “a median IELT of 5.4 minutes.”

Ian Kerner says a common cutoff time used to define premature ejaculation is two minutes, but he adds that many of the men he works with “are not guys who can last a few minutes; they’re having orgasms during foreplay, or immediately upon penetrating. They have a hard time lasting past 30 seconds.”

But a quick trigger is normal, says Kerner. “Men were wired to ejaculate quickly — and stressful situations make them ejaculate even more quickly. It’s been important to the human race. If guys took an hour to ejaculate, we’d be a much smaller planet.”

Sex therapists and physicians offer a number of techniques that can help men manage their anxiety and prolong their time to ejaculation. Several drugs — like some antidepressants (used for off-label treatment) and topical sprays — have been shown to extend time to ejaculation.

And, contrary to the common perception that distraction or decreasing stimulation is the answer (slow down, think about baseball), some say that giving in to sensation can help address the issue as well. “The way to learn [to last longer] is by getting used to intense stimulation,” says Prosterman, “to increase the frequency of intercourse, and feel every sensation of being inside your partner and enjoy it.”

Come Again? The Mythical Multiple Orgasm for Men

While multiple male orgasm is possible anywhere two or more men are gathered and talking, actual male multiple orgasm is another story. Unlike the more established phenomenon of female multiple orgasm, men’s claims of successive climaxes can stray into the realm of sex myth. At the very least, male multiple orgasm is difficult to verify and may depend on the definition of orgasm.

Prosterman says that the book The Multi-Orgasmic Man popularized “an Eastern meditative process that involves wrapping the PC [pubococcygeus] muscle around the prostate. There’s a valve on the prostate that switches on and off before urination and ejaculation. The PC muscle stops this valve from opening, allowing an orgasm without ejaculation. The idea is to keep doing that five or six times in a row.

“Out of hundreds of guys I know who’ve tried this,” says Prosterman, “I know only one who’s been able to do it.”

Is this man Mr. Lucky, or just prone to poetic license?

A 1989 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior recorded the testimony of 21 other men who claimed to be multi-orgasmic, but Ira Sharlip says “that doesn’t happen,” referring to the phenomenon of “multiple orgasms in succession over a short period of time — like minutes.” And there’s no such thing as separating ejaculation and orgasm, he says.

What may be at issue here is the definition of orgasm — which, according to a 2001 Clinical Psychology Review article, has been strikingly inconsistent. “Many definitions of orgasm “depict orgasm quantitatively as a ‘peak’ state that may not differentiate orgasm adequately from a high state of sexual arousal,” the study’s authors wrote.

In other words, those men who report multiple orgasms may be able to achieve orgasm-esque states before they hit the point of ejaculatory no-return. And many men report that strengthening the PC muscles through Kegel exercises allows them to edge closer to this “point of inevitability” without cresting the mountaintop of ejaculation and descending into the gentle valley of the flaccid and the “refractory” period, where the penis is temporarily unresponsive to sexual stimulation.

Even so, both Prosterman and Sharlip say this refractory period can be short enough that it’s possible for men to orgasm, ejaculate, recover and do it again — and again — during the same “session” of sex.

And if that recovery period isn’t super quick, you can still enjoy multiple orgasms — you may just need to cancel your afternoon appointments.

Sex Fact: It’s Not Always about the Numbers

In the end, there seems to be a recurring theme in moving beyond sex myths: Don’t get too hung up on the numbers.

So often the key to sexual satisfaction is not about penis size, stamina records, or a technical isolation of the G-spot. Rather, it’s about understanding yourself and your partner’s desires and recognizing that, unlike those Disney characters, real people aren’t born with a perfect, divinely granted understanding of sex.

As O’Connell remarks on the perils of over-privileging of the G-spot, “It is best for partners to explore the precise areas that turn someone on and how a partner likes to be given pleasure. That applies to both men and women, and the idea that there is any consistent ‘magic spot’ in either sex is just tyrannical.”

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How To Increase Female Libido Naturally

March 14, 2008 at 5:39 pm (Libido, Sexual Drive)

Some natural herbal aphrodisiacs can be potent in terms of increasing female libido The natural herbs listed below can increase the pleasure of sex naturally and work on the physiological state of the body making it more active and energized making sex a more enjoyable experience. The most popular natural herbs for increasing female libido and desire are listed below:

Gingko
Gingko for sexual function was first investigated after an older man who decided to take ginkgo to improve his memory. His sexual function improved so dramatically that it caught the attention of researchers. Subsequent investigation found that it also has a positive effect on female libido.

A test using Ginkgo biloba extract with 63 patients was found to be effective in 84% of patients with antidepressant-related sexual dysfunction. In the study all areas of sexual libido saw improvement, including desire, excitement, and orgasm.

Arginine
Arginine is an amino acid, also referred to as L-arginine. It is one of the more popular supplements for sexual dysfunction for both men and women and is referred to us natures Viagra.

Arginine is needed by the body to make nitric oxide, a compound that works to relax blood vessels and allow more blood to flow through arteries and this of course includes to the sexual organs.

In a clinical study 77 women with decreased libido were given either a combination product or placebo. Women taking arginine showed greater improvement such as increased reported sexual desire in 71% compared to 42%. They also reported other improvements such as they were happier with their sex lives, improved the frequency of orgasms, and experienced better clitoral sensation.

DHEA
DHEA is a hormone produced naturally by the adrenal glands. It is converted in the body to both the female hormone estrogen and the male hormone testosterone. Levels of DHEA decline naturally with age and this can lead to decreased libido. Because older people with a natural decline in sex drive, several studies have examined whether supplemental DHEA can improve libido in these groups.

Research so far suggests that it can help improve sexual function in both men and women. Physician supervision is strongly advised when using DHEA. *You need to consult an experienced health care professional before using it and make sure you have the correct dosage and are in good health.

Ginseng
Ginseng may improve sexual dysfunction in both men and women and has been used for thousands of years in China for this purpose. The active ingredients, ginsenosides, are again believed to facilitate the release of nitric oxide in blood vessels that increases blood flow to the clitoris resulting better orgasms. Ginseng is known to possess phytoestrogen activity and is believed to help the body adapt to stress, which again helps female libido.

Dong Quai
Dong quai is an aromatic herb that grows in China, Korea, and Japan and is used by herbalists as a treatment for a variety of gynecological complaints from regulating the menstrual cycle to treating menopausal problems and is known as: “The women’s herb”.

It is used as a general blood tonic and contains vitamins E, A and B12 and rich in tannins. Researchers have identified six coumarin derivatives that exert antispasmodic and vasodilatory effects. The essential oil in dong quai contains Ligustilide, butylphthalide, Ferulic acid and various polysaccharides are also present.

These elements can help reduce blood clotting and relax peripheral blood vessels. Although not used specifically to increase libido its affect on the overall body can help women feel more virile as again it has an effect on blood vessels, which carry blood to the sexual organs.

Female Libido is complex and may result from both medical and psychological conditions. For female libido women a combination of all the herbs above can help women feel better and increase desire by improving mood, reducing stress, increasing nitric acid and improving blood flow generally.

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70 Percent Women Fake Their Orgasm. How To Detect It

March 11, 2008 at 8:42 am (Orgasm)

It has been estimated by various studies that 70% of women fake orgasms at some point in their sexual lives. Some fake orgasms very regularly — as in every time — while others only fake it some of the time. The psychology behind faking orgasms is simple: She isn’t going to have an orgasm this time, and she knows it. She can’t be bothered with a) you trying hard to satisfy her and prolonging the encounter, and b) you feeling bad because you couldn’t satisfy her come hell or high water. If you want to know if you are being duped, use the following signs that she really is having an orgasm to distinguish the faux from the bona fide, and catch her in the act.Retraction of the clitoral headThis occurs just before orgasm and provides you with a clitoris-sized hint. When the clit disappears, you’re on the right track, so don’t stop. This coveted disappearance of the clitoris isn’t only visible if you have the lights on and your face all up in it; it’s something you can feel as well. So, get yourselves into a position where you can easily rub her clitoris during sex, and use it to your advantage. Under the guise of giving her some extra special treatment, you can feel whether she’s actually close to climaxing or just faking.

Increased breathing and heart rate

Listen to the sound of her breathing in your ear: When it starts to get heavier, you’ll know you’re onto something. The change will occur reasonably swiftly when she is about to orgasm, and will be accompanied by a completely unconscious change in the tension, rhythm and pace of her other body movements. Liars and the truthful alike might clutch at you and moan and groan, but her breathing is the missing link. Her thumping heart will also be a sign that it’s for real; if she isn’t actually excited, her heart rate and bodily manner will be very ordinary.

Dilated pupils

Dilated pupils are another surefire sign that your girl is reaching her peak. This might be hard to tell in the dark, but if the lights are on, all you have to do is ask her to look into your eyes as she climaxes. Chances are she’ll be more than willing to oblige to that romantic request. Just make sure to make note of what her pupils looked like at the beginning of your romp so you can compare their difference in size at the end.

Red lips

This means both sets: Her mouth lips will go a little redder (lips swell and redden upon arousal), as will her vaginal lips. While you are penetrating one set of lips, try to feel the swelling in the other set of lips that you’re kissing. Be careful though: Kissing will also increase the redness of her lips, so be gentle with pecks so that you can get an accurate reading of her response level.

Vaginal muscle spasms

Muscle spasms are the biggest indicators of all because she cannot fake or hide this. During orgasm, she will have between 3 and 10 vaginal and cervical contractions, the first few being the strongest. They will grip your penis, and the tightening feeling you experience will be impossible to ignore.

Sudden perspiration

Hot, sweaty sex? Yes, please. Breaking out in a sweat means her body is at a high level of tension and her muscles are working overtime — her breathing, heart rate and blood pressure are all up. So, once you both collapse into a sweaty heap afterward, you’ll know she’s been pleased.

Other important signs

* She may arch her back and feet, have uncontrolled twitches in her limbs (during and after orgasm), and have uncontrolled facial expressions (aka her “orgasm face”).
* Check her cheeks and neck to see if they are flushed.
* Of particular importance is what she does immediately after sex: Does she leap right out of bed and get on with her day? Or does she go to the washroom and lock the door? The chemical effect of an orgasm on the body brings a dazed look to the eyes and she may just want to laze for a few minutes to enjoy it. If she is missing this post-coital bliss, be suspicious.
* Her nipples will also harden; it has been estimated that there is a 95% chance that if her nipples aren’t hard, she didn’t orgasm.
* Her clitoris gets very sensitive right after orgasm, so if she doesn’t slow down or stop completely after her orgasm, she is probably a faker.
* Making coherent sentences far too loudly is also a clue to her (dis)honesty; she shouldn’t really be able to say anything much other than “Oh my God!” if the job is getting done to standard. Anything remotely porn-like is highly suspicious (loud over-exaggerated moaning, etc.) because porn sex is not real sex.

Faker tests

If you want to know if she is faking it, try some experiments. Some easy ways to gauge her honesty is to do a thorough investigation. Whatever you do, don’t tell her what you’re doing. If she is faking, this gives her an unfair heads-up about your intentions.

Ask her

First off, be prepared for the truth. Then be prepared to do something about it if there is a problem. Have a frank and honest discussion with her about your sex life in a nonjudgmental way; she knows what she is doing and if she is a faker, she’s no doubt duly ashamed of herself. She probably won’t admit that she lied, but you can ignore that and just start working on how to give her some real orgasms. Don’t let her fool you anymore — do something constructive about it. It has been proven time and time again that partners who regularly communicate openly and honestly have the best sex. Don’t be the couple who loses out.

Lie detector

Ask her what the sex/stimulation feels like, and ask her to explain what happens to her body when she is having an orgasm. Use normal lie-detecting techniques (body language signals) to see if she is lying. Touching her mouth (covering her lies) and looking away as she speaks to you are some ways to tell. Obviously, these are not set in concrete, but if you ask her directly if she orgasms when you have sex and she looks away and says “Yes, of course, honey!” then further investigation is in order.

Ruin her orgasm

This may seem cruel, but if she is really having one, she will be unhappy with you if you burst her bubble. If she isn’t actually having one or about to have one, nothing will happen and there will be no harm done. It is probably the easiest way to tell; you know her body and her responses, so test her. Make it interactive, and you’ll start getting the responses you want.

Liar, liar…

The male ego is a fragile thing, so it is important in your investigations to put aside your ego and deal with the facts. If she has constant problems having an orgasm, she doesn’t need accusations; she probably just needs more quality foreplay.

The University of Chicago did a survey (“Sex in America,” 1994) which reported that less than one-third of females always orgasm during sex, compared to three-quarters of men. The survey also found these statistics changed quite significantly when a woman’s partner spent 21 minutes more on foreplay: 9/10 women always orgasmed with more foreplay. This stat says it all.

This situation can be difficult and embarrassing for you both, but it’s certainly not the end of the world — in fact, it’s probably just the beginning. Deal with it in a positive way, and you’ll both get positive results.

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How To Please Your Man On Bed

March 11, 2008 at 8:40 am (Sexual Intercourse)

I recently attended an art exhibition in London that traced the representation of sex in art through the ages. Part of the exhibition included a series of photographs that aimed to capture the essence of various couples’ relationships and sex lives. The images were both graphic and private: intensely tender moments and raw sexual moments. The first series was based on a straight couple. The second was based on a male homosexual couple.What struck me immediately was the difference in their sex lives. The gay guys didn’t just appear to have more sex than the straight couple—their sex life also had extraordinary variety: different positions, locations, props… tender sex and wild sex. Their sex life beat the straight couple’s sex life hands down. Why? Because it’s two men. A gay guy knows his partner won’t judge him because two men think of sex in the same way: Neither one sees anything wrong in what they’re doing! The male sex drive is more primitive than the female sex drive, so two men together feel totally secure in letting loose. The lesson to be learned as a straight girl? The only thing standing in the way of you having a tender, wild, wonderful, exciting sex life is your attitude.

In today’s society, there’s a very clear line drawn between “normal” and “naughty.” This seems to be the definition: If everyone does it, no matter what “it” is, “it” is “normal.” If only a few people do it, no matter what “it” is, “it” is not “normal.”

Rubbish! Take a leaf out of the homosexual handbook and refuse to live by such archaic rules.

The next time your partner suggests something unusual, fight your knee-jerk reaction to say no. Consider why you want to reject it: Is it because it’s just something you don’t hear other people say they’re doing? Is that what scares you? If so, then ask yourself if trying his suggestion will hurt either one of you physically or emotionally: Is there any danger? If not, then what’s the problem? Be one of the few women to embrace this concept and you’ll not only be the best lover he’s ever had, you’ll probably be the best he ever will have.

Men Are Visual: Excite His Eyes

Men’s sexual arousal is dependent on what they see, which makes visual excitement his number one turn-on. And the evidence is in the emails I get from male readers: “Why won’t she… watch porn/shave her pubic hair/wear sexy clothes/leave her shoes on/watch us having sex in a mirror/masturbate for me/go out without underwear on?” He needs electric shocks to his penis. Give him something he’s not used to seeing or doing and you’ll make his day.

Lose the “I Should Be Enough for Him” Mindset

Men like trying new things. So when your guy asks for something new in bed, all it means is that he wants to try something new. Is that how most women interpret it? Heck no! Being the super-sleuths of relationships, ahem, we don’t take anything at face value; instead we dive deep below the surface searching for a murkier, more sinister reason. And the conclusion we generally come to is this: “If he wants something new in bed, it must mean he’s unhappy with the sex he’s having” or “Why does he need all these props/fantasies/porn DVDs when he’s got me?” Both of these reactions are overreactions, and, more often than not, neither one is true. You don’t look at him oddly if he orders something other than a burger for lunch, do you? Or a glass of red wine instead of a beer? Humans need variety. You need variety. Instead of feeling intimidated by it, embrace it.

No, You Won’t Look Fat

There’s another reason why we’re not rushing to pull on that French maid outfit or wear the tiny underwear he bought us. It’s the embarrassment factor: We’re scared we’ll look fat or feel ridiculous. In fact, it’s the main reason women say they’re not more adventurous in bed. It’s not that we don’t have a naughty streak; it’s just that our self-consciousness over powers it. But, if you’re wearing a French maid outfit, odds are, he’s not looking at you as a whole, not at your “problem” areas (he probably doesn’t even think you have any problem areas).

Explore New, Uncharted Territory

I know it’s a delicate topic, but anal play is getting more and more popular and you need to know about it. Why? Because if you get it right, he’ll have the most powerful orgasm he’s ever had. (Yes, really.) Having said that, his bottom is a hugely private zone, and you’ll need permission to enter. How? Either ask outright or read body language—ideally both. Instigate proceedings by stroking the perineum, the smooth area between the anus and testes. Then use three fingers to massage it firmly. Let your fingers casually brush against his anus and see how he reacts.

If he pulls away or clenches his bottom together, he’s either not interested or nervous (quite possibly both). If he lifts his bottom or presses against your hand, it’s a pretty good indication that he’d like you to continue. Keep stroking the opening until he’s relaxed again, then insert the tip of a finger into his rectum (having first applied some lubricant you left on the nightstand). Hold still for a moment or two, then try circling or moving your finger gently in and out. Check that everything’s fine (just say, “Okay?’) before pushing your finger further inside. Once you’ve gently explored how deep and what sort of movement he likes, add it to oral sex or when you’re masturbating him with your hands, just before he’s about to orgasm.

Ban the Bed

Yes, you’ve heard it before: Sex in the bedroom is boring blah blah blah. So… why don’t you stop having sex there then? Knowing you should be having sex in places other than the bedroom won’t turn you into a better lover unless you do it. Have a quickie in the bathroom at parties or in the lavatory on an airplane. Let your hand stray into his lap in the movie theatre. Give him a very naughty, long, wet kiss in the kitchen at his parents’ (though not while his Mum’s doing the dishes). Pounce on him in your living room, dining room, spare room. Do anything beyond rolling over once at the end of the day, stifling a yawn and making a half-hearted attempt at fondling him.

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Oral Sex Technique For Men

March 9, 2008 at 6:16 pm (Cunnilingus)

TASTE: In my experience, one of the main reasons that partners avoid female oral sex is due to a percieved or even experienced poor taste. While it is true that women run the range from pleasant (tasty!) to sour or uric tasting, there are easy steps to ensure that your partner will be tasting her sweetest.First and most obviously, a good vigorous shower will do much to neutralize the taste of your partner. In fact, oral sex in the shower, while not a favorite method of mine, has a completely neutral taste if you stick to the upper regions of your partner’s sex. If your partner has not showered recently, or has physically exerted herself recently, her taste will be much stronger. This, however, can be a good thing!

Secondly, foreplay will improve upon both the taste and the experience in general if your can get her juices flowing. I have never found an extremely aroused, wet woman to taste unpleasant. Quite the contrary!

FOREPLAY:

Do it! Take your time! Have fun! Experiment! A common male misunderstanding is that females are aroused most through physical contact. Not true. I have aroused women greatly simply by acting sexy. Tension is a wonderful tool, use it. If you can build tension to the point where the barest touch sends electric shivers through both of you, you can’t lose! Similarly, even the best love techniques will not turn on a woman who isn’t in the mood. (If you can get her in the mood, well then you’re talking.)

Take your time, explore your partner (there’s a lot more there than nipples and a clitoris!), build tension, have fun.

POSITIONS:

There are two basic positions that I have found very versitile and succesful. For a very comfortable session, have her lie on her back with legs spread and knees bent slightly. Lie on your stomach between her legs, put your right arm under her left leg and your left arm under her right – somewhat of an intimate hug. Now you should find your head situated conveniently and comfortably near the center of your attention.

Less comfortable, but a bit wilder is the following. Lie on your back, prop a couple of pillows (or fold one over) under your head. Have your partner kneel facing you with one knee on each side of your head, above your shoulders. The sexy part of this position (IMHO) is that your partner can look down at you and watch you eating her out. (Yum) Versatility and comfort are reduced for the giver, so I only occasionally partake in this position.

These are by no means the only positions. Again, experiment, have fun. If you can find a bed where your partner can lie down with her legs dangling off the bed and resting flat on the floor, you’re in luck. Now you can have her sit just at the edge of the bed, lie back, and give you plenty of access while you kneel/sit in front of her sex.

GEOGRAPHY:

Woman are very different in some respects of their genitalia, but the major parts are the same. A woman’s sex from the oral sex point of view consists of two sets of lips (outer and inner) that meet just below the vaginal opening and some variable distance above the clitoris; the vaginal opening (immediately above the nether meeting of above-mentioned lips), a smooth section of skin between the vaginal opening and the clitoris (I have no clue as to its technical name, hereafter it will be refered to as the “scav”) and the clitoris and its surrounding folds.

If you get the chance, explore your partner in a location with decent lighting. Use your hand to spread her sex and explore her, find out what’s where and what’s what. Like I said earlier, women are different. Especially the location and shape of the clitoris. It can be buried, protruding, surrounded by many folds of flesh, or hanging out it the open. The best method I have found for finding your partner’s clitoris (If all else fails, ask!), is to place a finger at the very base of her sex and gently run it up her scav until you feel a slight bump. That’s it.

OK, ENOUGH OF THE DETAILS, NOW THE NITTY-GRITTY:

So your partner is showered, excited and feeling sexy. It’s the big moment, what to do? Don’t simply dive in. Take your time, excite her. In my opinion, I can usually tell how good my partner is at oral sex by how she “goes down” on me. By “going down” I mean the process by which she goes from kising my lips to sucking oh-so-wonderfully on my sex.

Depending on your partner, different methods of going down will work more effectively. If you’ve gotten to this point with your partner, you should have a fair idea of what she likes. Take advantage of that knowledge. One thing that I highly recommend however, is a sexy look. Sexy looks can make all the difference, and the best place to throw one in is as you’re licking, sucking and kissing your way down her stomach stop, look up and smile devilishly.

Unbutton your partners jean’s, pull the tabs back and kiss her newly exposed flesh. Unzip her pants, pull the tabs back as far as they can go and place light, tender kisses on her abdomen and around the top of her panties. Watch it, some women are very ticklish here!

(Note the above doesn’t work so well if she doesn’t have jeans on but you’re all smart enough to figure it out…) Once you’ve removed everything but her panties, stop. You have a unique opportunity for further arousal. Kiss her legs and inner thighs with gentle kisses. Work your way up each leg and make a point of stopping at the line of her underwear. Kiss again along the top of her underwear, and along the other two borders.

Now move to her cotton (silk? lace? latex?) covered sex. Plant firm, dry kisses through her underwear on her sex, low and right around the vaginal entrance works best for me. If your partner is really excited, often her underwear will be damp and will smell (pleasantly) of her sex.

Removing the underwear is again a matter of choice. You know your partner best, I prefer either gently sliding it all the way off with my fingers, or pulling it part way down with my teeth first.

DIRECT KISSING:

It is not unusual for your partner’s lips to be closed together. A very excited woman’s lips may be slightly spread allready (“pouting”). Again, building tension can be accomplished by light kisses on either side of her sex as well as light blowing. (Do not inflate your partner! This can be very dangerous!!) Spreading her lips can be accomplished by placing your tongue first at the base of her sex, and then firmly running your tongue all the way up. Continue with a few long licks from the base of her sex all the way to the top past her clitoris. Vary the firmness of your tongue from hard and pointed to broad and soft.

THE BIG “O”:

The best and most proven method of making your partner cum through oral sex is by repeated, rythmic stroking of her clitoris with your tongue. The tongue is uniquely suited for this purpose because of it’s texture, versatility, and pliability. It is difficult (and tiring) to apply too much pressure to your partner’s clitoris. Some women are much more sensitive than others however. Be receptive to any sharp gasps, you could be being too affectionate. If this is the case, move away from direct contact or adopt a gentler technique.

Repeated, rythmic stroking can be accomplished in a variety of ways. I prefer either rapid, repeated verticle licks with a firm, pointed tongue, or planting your tongue firmly against your partner’s clitoris and vigorously shaking your head back and forth. (Tiring, maybe. But it’s worth it!) If you are having trouble finding the correct angle or method for rhythmically lingually carresing her clitoris, or if you want to try something fun and new:

Toungue the abc’s. No seriously! This is a great oral excercise on any part of the body. Toungue the abc’s starting with lower case, and moving though upper case. (Heck, you could do the whole ANSI ASCII set if you’d like!) Be especially perceptive while you do this, vary your speed and watch for sharp intakes of breath – chances are you’ve hit the right angle. The abc’s give a large variety of different strokes, so come back to this excersize as often as you’d like.

A general rule of thumb (tongue?) is to start slow and pick up the pace as you go along. This is definately a general rule though, feel free to break it by varying your rhythm, both slowly and predictably as well as quickly and startlingly.

OTHER FUN THINGS TO DO:

Lick between the inner and outer lips; penetrate the vagina deeply (a much stronger, iron-like taste here); “tease” the entrance to her vagina with rapid pokes of your toungue at varying depths; don’t forget your hands, often a woman will feel a need or ache for something inside of her while very aroused, oblige her with a finger or two. Both kissing and manually manipulating your partner is tough, anyone with succesful methods is welcome to pipe in.

Talk to your partner, ask her what she likes. Experiment (if you can) with many different partners. What excites one woman a lot may not excite another as much, but may still be well worth trying. On the other hand, you may not notice a subtle pleasurable technique on one woman that can be easily learned on another. The better you know your parnter, the more effectively you can please her. Have fun!

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How To Please Women With Oral Sex

March 9, 2008 at 6:14 pm (Cunnilingus)

INTRODUCTION Eating a woman’s pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her cum like crazy. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most, it is the easiest way to cum with a man. You may have the littlest dick on the planet, but if you give great head, you will be appreciated as a fabulous lover. Yes, it’s that important. Besides, lots of women expect it these days – you might as well know what your doing.First off, guys seem to have a strange love/hate relationship with women’s genitalia. Guys that can’t wait to get their dick into one are often reluctant to put their face “down there”. For every guy who says he loves to eat pussy, there’s another one who’s squeamish. Women know this, and it affects their ability to lay back and enjoy the experience. There is nothing more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious. Don’t be coy; tell her. When a guy fingers a lady and then smells, licks, sucks the juice off his finger and sighs as if in heaven, she knows this is her lucky day.So now what? You’ve found a comfy spot to play, you’ve been kissing passionately, your tongues darting around each other’s mouths like playful otters. You’ve moved down to nibble one of her hardening nipples and she’s starting to groan, grinding her pelvis against your stomach. STOP. I know it was just starting to get good. But was she really groaning and humping you, or was it your own excitement you were detecting? I strongly prefer to be excited before a guy starts plunging his tongue into my inner recesses. Use your judgement, and kiss, lick, and fondle your way down her stomach, up her thighs, until she’s arching up her back trying to get you to eat her. Of course, if she really was groaning and grinding, go for it…I also don’t particularly enjoy a guy endlessly nibbling my inner thigh while my clit is quivering in anticipation.

POSITIONS

If the woman you are with is somewhat hesitant about your going down on her, start off with her lying on her back, perhaps half-sitting. Lay down between her legs, with her legs over your shoulders. She may enjoy laying or sitting at the edge of the bed with you kneeling. She can also straddle your face, but be prepared to get very wet. There are endless varieties of positions where you can press your face up to her cunt, some of which strike me as more acrobatic than erotic, but feel free to experiment. And then there’s 69…

69 is one of my favorite positions. On the plus side, you both get to enjoy the sublime sensations of getting head, simultaneously. The upside down positioning of a woman’s pussy and your mouth is an easy fit and there’s more room for your hands. On the negative side, it’s a less than ideal position for a woman to give head. Plus, if you need to read this article, you may be better off concentrating your energies on pleasing her, without too much distraction. But even for experienced 69′ers, it’s easy to short-change your partner. “It feels soooo good, I’m just gonna stop for a second and concentrate on what you’re…aaaarrrgghhh”. Get the picture? Some show of will-power is in order.

69 can be done male on top, female on top, or side by side. The latter two are easier, though it’s more restful with both partners laying down. Some women love being licked on all fours, so if female-on-top 69 drives her wild, take the hint and find some other ways to eat her in this position. I happen to enjoy male on top, but for many women this is a sure choking position. If a woman can, or wants to try, to deep-throat you, this is THE position. When her head is thrust back you can really slide your cock all the way down her throat. But don’t forget what you’re supposed to be doing!

So there you are staring at it – the mysterious hole from whence you came, and into which you hope to cum again… First, an anatomy lesson…

THE CLITORIS

Before I go any further, a few words about the clitoris, accent on the first syllable. Most of you know it, but for those who don’t, it is THE woman’s sex organ, period. It may feel great to be fucked vaginally, anally or otherwise, but if the stimulation is not right there, on the clitoris, you’re ignoring the place that’s going to make her cum, and presumably that’s why you’re reading this, right? It’s right there at the top juncture of her inner lips, a small knob of pink flesh. This is where it’s at boys, and don’t forget it. Almost any licking and sucking of the labia or vaginal entrance is going to feel just dandy; just remember that this is pleasurable teasing, not the main event. I can’t tell you how many guys have thrust their tongues up my vagina thinking that this was going to make me cum. They were wrong. Of course, with a little manual stimulation….but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Women feel differently about how much direct stimulation they can take on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clits, others will shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you’ll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. IMPORTANT NOTE: Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she’s very excited. The fact is, most women really need a good bit of stimulation before a targeted attack on their clitoris, but once they’re there, that’s where you want to devote your attention.

The key here is go slow, ask questions, and if she’s comfortable with it, leave the lights on and really explore. Body language often does tell what feels best, but I promise, she will appreciate your attentiveness if you ask outright. If she seems shy, get her to guide your hands and mouth with her own hand, and pay attention. If she starts bucking up against your mouth and gasping in ragged little breaths, for God’s sake, don’t use this opportunity to try something different. Just keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

THE TONGUE

I want to reiterate, there is almost nothing you can do that won’t feel terrific, so relax! I promise, you may be confused and uncertain, but she’s in heaven. Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or anal area is going to feel just great, and I’d no sooner tell guys to “do it exactly like this” than I would tell every chef to follow the same recipe. But for those who are compelled to RTFM, here are a few techniques that you might like to try:

  • Try lapping her pussy from vaginal entrance up to her clit, leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed. This is a good way to start your tonguing.
  • Run your tongue between the inner and outer labia on one side, while holding the two together with your lips. Good job, now do the other side.
  • Fuck her pussy with your tongue – in and out, around and around, etc. This feels nice. Not wonderful or incredible or earth-shaking; nice.
  • Spread her outer lips with your hand. Then, with your tongue pointed and stiff, gently flick here and there. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her clit. This drives some women wild, and others can’t take it. Some may prefer that you always leave your tongue soft, so when you try this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstacy or pain.

The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is really hot (i.e. she’s no longer coherent). These are very intense actions which may be “too much” for some women, even when nearing orgasm.

  • With her clit still exposed, give it a quick little suck – pulling it into your mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing to do if you feel like torturing her (see PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER below).
  • Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently (at first, anyway) suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be done very lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will usually rapidly produce an intense orgasm.
  • Another choice technique involves rolling your tongue into a tube. If you can’t do this with your tongue, you can’t learn it – it’s genetic. For those who can, this works best in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your tongue into a tube around the shaft of her clitoris. Slide it up and down; in effect, your tongue makes a tiny pussy for her clit to fuck. This also is likely to bring her over the edge.

FINGERS Fingers are a valuable adjunct to eating pussy. Most women masturbate by pressing a finger or fingers over their clit, possibly “thru” the skin of their inner or outer lips, and vigorously rubbing in a circular or back-and-forth direction. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to ask, or better yet, have her show you how she likes it done. You will never be a good lover until you can bring your woman to climax with your hands. When you fuck her from behind, or up her ass, or really in any position which doesn’t allow her to simultaneously rub her vulva against your body, reach down or around and rub her clit. I know it’s distracting, but just do it anyway. One important point to note: make sure that your fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more uncomfortable (and sometimes downright painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed across one’s clitoris.

Of course, that’s not all you can do with your fingers. One technique which is very exciting is to spread her lips wide apart with one hand, and with your index finger straight like a pencil, flick the side of it rapidly across her clit. This motion alone will often bring a woman to orgasm. Combining this with the addition of some tongue action elsewhere is nothing short of bliss.

Sticking one or more fingers inside her vagina is also wonderful. You can simply move them in and out (this feels best with at least two or three fingers, pushed in hard), or wriggling them around. A particularly intense motion is to face your hand so that you have two fingers inside her with your palm facing the front of her body. Now move your fingers rapidly, as if waving hello. You are aiming to stimulate a particular part of the woman’s vagina – namely the lower anterior (front) part. When combined with sucking her clit, this is nearly certain to bring her to a fast and intense climax.

An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one (and later two) fingers inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. I’m talking about that fleshy “mound” over her pubic bone. Your finger goes in and out and the ball of your hand is pressed hard against her vulva. You may want to rub or even shake the entire area with your palm.

Fingers also do nice things to tight little butt holes, but that’s a whole other story…

ANAL PLAY

This stuff is purely optional. If anal play doesn’t turn you on, don’t do it. If you’re uncomfortable, she’ll pick up on your feelings and start wondering if it’s her pussy that’s turning you off. Don’t feel that you can’t be a good lover without anal play; you can.

Cleanliness is of the essence. Scoop out some luscious juices (from a very wet pussy) with your finger and rub it around her anus. (If she isn’t well lubricated, saliva works too.) If that’s all you or she feels comfortable with, fine – it still feels great. But I think most women enjoy the feel of a finger pushed up their ass while they’re being fucked or eaten. You need to be gentle, possibly even leaving your finger still. Try moving it in and out a little, or around in a circle. If she starts moaning, you know you’re doing something right.

It’s really fun to feel a woman’s anus rhythmically squeezing your finger as she cums. (And it’s great for her, too) You’re probably thinking about what that would feel like around your dick, and it’s something you should certainly explore. Ass-fucking is somewhat out of the scope of this article, but suffice to say, if she doesn’t like a finger up her butt, she sure as hell won’t want your big dick up there. Even if she does enjoy this sort of play, she may still be somewhat apprehensive about putting something so large up there. The keys to success are sufficient (i.e. copious amounts of) lubrication (a water-soluble type such as K-Y, which is safe for condoms), relaxation on her part, and a slow, gentle, approach. She’ll certainly tell you if she wants you to thrust harder or deeper. And remember, if you want to feel that delicious squeezing around your cock, reach around and diddle that clit!

As for anallingus – why not? Don’t feel like you HAVE to do it to satisfy your woman. But if the idea turns you on, great. Let your tongue rove as it pleases. It’s not necessary to actually put your tongue inside her butt to stimulate the area. Back and forth, around and around, you get the picture.

One hygiene note: once that finger (or your penis) has been inside her ass, don’t even think about putting it anywhere else. Carelessness in this regard can cause a horrendous infection.

MENSTRUATION

I haven’t met a lot of men who are completely comfortable going down on a woman when she has her period. But some are. Most women are at their horniest before and sometimes during their period. You should definitely find a way to make her cum when she’s bleeding, be it thru intercourse, manual, or oral stimulation. If you feel comfortable going down on her, great. It’s perfectly safe. You may suggest that she insert a tampon, and then wash up. (As you now know, you don’t need to get anywhere near her vagina to make her cum.) Or you could lay down a few old towels, turn out the lights, and forget about it.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

I think variety is crucial. Some guy posted an article detailing a road map of kissing and licking (first here, then here, etc.) Much better to do the unexpected; sometimes a hungry, aggressive approach, other times a laid-back, leisurely one. You can even even include your nose, or your chin into the act. Start slow, that’s the key, and let your lover guide the speed of the crescendo. In all cases, start gently. Roughness and clumsiness are big turn-offs. As she gets more and more excited, pay more attention to her clitoris. When she’s three breathes away from cumming, moving your mouth off or away from her clit is agony. That’s fine if you’re intentionally torturing her, just understand that this is what you are doing. The only prohibition is to be reasonably gentle with her clit. Nibbling or biting is fine elsewhere, but we’re talking about a sensitive spot.

Speaking of prolonging the agony… I think this is great fun. Bring your partner just to the edge of orgasm, and stop. This is not easy unless you really know your lover well. Instead, just have her help you. Say, “Grab my head and stop me just before you think you’re gonna cum.” Then take your sweet time. Blow on her clit, take it into your mouth just briefly, flick it just the very slightest bit. You will have this woman squirming and moaning like she’s dying. Finger her deeply, enjoy the ecstasy you are imparting, and finally, have pity. Let the poor woman cum.

UUUUNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! (or, I’M COMING!!!)

Okay, she’s practically suffocating you, she’s pressed so hard against your face; she’s screaming and bucking up in the air; you feel her pussy contracting wildly – how long should you keep it up?? The simple answer is, until she makes you stop. Some women may stop you after five seconds from the start of their climax, others may be able to roll right into another orgasm if you keep going. Do come up for air, but remember, her excitement does not drop off as sharply as yours does. Play it safe by continuing the stimulation.

How many times does she need to cum? Some women are very content to have one orgasm. A whole lot of women would really like to cum again, but need about five minutes to recoup. Many women are so sensitive right after they cum that they may push your head violently away. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve had enough, only that you need to stop for a few minutes. In fact most women, given a short rest between, are capable of cumming again and again. A smaller percentage of women are able to cum repeatedly with continued stimulation. This is the much-touted multiple-orgasm that is experienced by a minority of women. I know this makes it difficult to know when enough is enough, but there’s a simple answer: ask her.

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